How to Keep Stress from Ruining the Holidays

by Linda M. Manning, RN, LPC-S, RPT-S
Registered Nurse
Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor
Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor

From Halloween through New Years our stress is heightened because of an increase in shopping, parties, baking, family get-togethers, etc. These holiday times can be very enjoyable, difficult or both! Too much stress damages our health, relationships and overall well being. One of the first things that comes to mind during the holidays is that expectations are often unrealistic. We often want to do more than is possible. We add on extra things to accomplish onto our already overwhelming schedules. And we want everything to be perfect! Without realizing it we often project these feelings and false expectations onto our children. This takes a toll on our relationships as the stress of the extra activities during the holidays makes us exhausted and emotional.

To begin with, it is helpful to be aware of what your expectations are and to keep those realistic. What is it you expect and want? Acknowledge your feelings. The holidays can elicit many feelings from the past and present. People often have a mix of feelings both positive and negative. It is common to feel excitement, anticipation and hopefulness as well as disappointment, guilt, loneliness and depression. Allow yourself to be aware of these feelings and find a way to express them that is helpful and does not hurt yourself or others. Acknowledging your child’s feelings by clearly stating what those feelings are in a normal tone helps your child feel understood and experience feelings as a normal part of the human experience. Focus on problem solving under stressful circumstances rather than reacting emotionally. How you express your feelings will influence your child’s acceptance and expression of feelings. Keep in mind that acknowledging feelings does not mean you have to act on them.

Reach out to others, even if it is just to ask for a hug or for help. Social support is something we all need. Be careful not to disclose emotional information to friends that are not able to understand or accept what you are experiencing. Revealing too much may put you at risk of feeling guilty or embarrassed later. Seek those who can really accept you and help you.

Be realistic about what is really important. Learn to say “no” when you cannot do something without adding more stress to your routine. Keep the healthy habits that you may have. Don’t abandon your exercise routine or the few minutes you have for yourself in the morning. Stick to a routine as much as possible especially if you have young children in your household. Stress is reduced when a predictable routine for sleeping and eating can be maintained.

Plan ahead and do what you can in a timely fashion to avoid last minute rushing as much as possible. Take a breather if you need to. Always ask, what is more important? And how will this affect my relationships with my spouse and my children in the long run? Take the time to stop and really be in the moment with your child and spouse. Being fully present emotionally brings a heightened sense of satisfaction. This means keeping our thoughts from being stuck in the past or racing towards the future. It means not dividing our attention into doing too much at once. Young children are present in the here and now and do not interpret why their parent seems distracted, tense or even angry. If the adult is just trying to do too many things at once, the child will see that as not being interested in them and therefore not caring. Attention and love are synonymous to children. Set aside at least 30 minutes to be present with your child without distractions or interruptions. Build lasting happy memories associated with the holidays.

With so much going on and so much expected it is easy to become overly stressed and tense during this time of year. I hope this information and these few suggestions are helpful for you to improve your most valued relationships and your feeling of contentment during this holiday season and throughout the year. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!